TICK TOCK TICK TOCK
What was that?
The small sound amplified and reverberated through his body. He had to find out what it was.
He opened his eyes. There was only very dim lighting in his small apartment, but for him it didn’t matter. What mattered was the sound.
What was it? He knew it….
He pondered over it lying there on his kitchen floor.
The clock of course!!!! It was the clock…
Satisfied and curiosity abated he turned his head sideways. He could see under the kitchen table. The empty syringe was lying there, just moments before he had dumped the entire content of that syringe into his body.
Liquid joy.
He was floating on it. Unmindful of the world, of the small untidy room he lived in, of himself.
And from nowhere a rainbow colored rat scurried up to the syringe and started sniffing it.
He looked at the rainbow colored rat.
It was beautiful.
It turned its head towards him and looked at him. He looked back into those red eyes. It stood there watching him for a while, then it scurried away.
He watched it move. It was so fast.
Just like Spot
“Who’s that?” he asked aloud hearing that childlike voice out of nowhere.
Don’t you remember me?
The voice answered. He turned his head to the other side away from the syringe under the table.
There on the chair by the door was a child of about 13.
“No, should I?” he answered.
I’m you
He stared at the child. Yes, it was him. It was a part of him he thought he had forgotten.
“What do you want?”
I just wanted to show you this.
Saying so, the child took out from his pocket a dog collar.
The man on the floor stared at the collar for a long time.
“Spot” he whispered.
*********************
The sun was beating on his face and he was running through the tall grass barefoot. And there in front of him ran Spot. The golden retriever was so far ahead of him. He shouted at Spot to stop. The dog stopped for a while, turned its head back and looked at him. It wagged its tail, gave a little bark as if to urge him forward faster and then took off again.
He chased after it. And he was laughing…….. Laughing…….
**********************
“Get that shit away from me” The man shouted at the kid who was now standing over him and holding the collar close to his face.
He tried to swat the hand away but the kid was no longer there.
He got up on his elbow and looked around. There he was, on the other side of the room, near the T.V. still holding the collar.
And suddenly the knocking on his door started.
“Hey open the fucking door” a man’s voice shouted form the other side.
He did nothing. He shifted his gaze from the kid and looked mesmerizingly at the door. The knocking continued.
“Open the fuck up! I know you are in there asshole!” the angry voice said from the other side.
He sat up, but did nothing more and just looked at the door.
“I need my money today!!!! And I’ve brought some people in case you need some persuasion. So you better open the door right now prick!”
The angry voice knocked some more.
“You either open the door in the next 30 seconds or else I’m gonna bust this shit in! You hear me! Open the bloody damn door”
It’s Mother! Hide Spot.
Startled he looked away from the door. The kid was nearer now and his voice sounded scared.
It’s Mother. She’s come to take Spot! Quick hide him!
“No.. No..” he whispered.
***********************
Mother didn’t know about the dog. He kept Spot hidden away from his farmhouse and his mother. He brought Spot food secretly and played with him secretly.
Mother didn’t like dogs. In fact he was quiet sure Mother didn’t like him as well. She was always drunk, with a cigarette in her mouth. She could go through dozen packs in a day and because of that she coughed. She coughed a lot.
He tried to avoid Mother as much as he could. Whenever he was near her, it was sure he would get yelled at and beaten for no reason at all. Sometimes she used to hit him with a belt and that stung a lot. It even stung when he went to bed on that days.
She always told him that he was an unwanted accident. She used to tell him that he was good for nothing at all, that he was a burden that she was doomed to carry.
He tried to please her anyway he could but nothing was enough for his mother. No matter what he did for her she yelled at him and beat him.
That day it was raining so he had brought Spot in to his room without alerting his mother. Even though later on the rain stopped he kept Spot inside. And as he sat there in his room patting Spot, he gave a short bark. That undid everything.
The coughing started and moved closer to his door. That was a warning sign. Mother was coming.
He tried to hide Spot. Under his bed but it was too late. The door to his room opened and there stood Mother, her big burly frame covering the entire door frame and her red bloodshot eyes looking at him and Spot. Her face contorted in anger.
“I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU NEVER TO BRING A DOG INTO THE HOUSE!!!!” she yelled and started moving forward.
He got up and went to block her.
“Mom wait! It’s a nice dog. I trained him. He won’t be a bother. He’s..”
He didn’t get to finish his sentence. She pushed him back on to the bed and he landed hard sprawled on the bed.
Next instant, there was a series of barks and suddenly Mother was yelling in agony.
He looked up. Spot had bitten her and she was shaking him off yelling.
“YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!”
She freed her hand and landed a hard kick on Spot. He was thrown away and he hit the bedpost and went down whimpering.
She was holding her right hand and it was bleeding.
“I’ll show that mutt!” she growled as she moved forward and grabbed spot by the collar and started to drag him out the room.
He got up from the bed and ran towards Mother and grabbed her left hand, the one holding Spot, and begged.
“Mom please, don’t do anything to Spot. I’m sorry..”
She pushed him aside with her bleeding right hand.
“I’ll deal with you later. I tell you one thing and you don’t listen!! What kind of a son are you boy!”
She moved out of his room and locked the room behind her. He was crying, afraid at what Mother would do to Spot. He banged on the door, crying, begging her to not do anything to Spot.
He heard the sound of the front door open. He ran to his window which looked out in to the front yard.
It was dark. He couldn’t see much. He saw Mother from the light from the front room. She had Spot in one hand and a shotgun in the other. She threw Spot forward took the gun in both hands and fired.
There was deafening bang and a flash of light, then nothing.
“NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!”
He cried as he slowly slid down from the window to the floor.
Then Mother came up. She came up to his room and started beating him with the belt and yelling at him.
“WHAT DID YOU THINK BOY! YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD DISOBEY ME AND GET AWAY WITH IT! WELL YOUR MANGY MUTT IS DEAD AND HE IS LYING OUT THERE IN THE FRONT YARD! YOU BETTER GO OUT AND BURY THAT DOG DEEP! YOU HEAR ME! YOU HEAR ME YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING BOY!!”
He was pushed out the front door, by Mother still yelling into his ear. Still crying, he went to the barn and got the spade and started digging the grave.
It started raining again.
***************************
“All right! Break that fucking door down!”
He was called out of his reverie by the sound of someone kicking at his door. He looked around and the kid was gone.
The door suddenly flew open. A bearded man walked in. the beard man looked around and saw him on the floor and smiled.
“You guys wait outside, I’ll have a little talk with him first”
The beard man moved closer and lifted him of the floor and slammed him against the kitchen counter.
“Where’s my money asshole?” the beard man said into his ears.
The man’s breath stunk of liquor. The smell of stale cigarettes was also mixed in there somewhere. The smell was overpowering. He looked in to the beard man’s face and suddenly he was afraid.
“No!!!! No!!! It can’t… It can’t be..!!”
***************************
The day after Spots death Mother beat him again. This time because he was so small that, even after he climbed the ladder, he could not reach up to the top shelf of the barn.
He bore the beating without a word, without crying. It seemed as if he had lost all his tears yesterday.
He had buried Spot, but he had taken the dog’s bloodstained collar. He didn’t let go of it for a minute. He clutched it tightly in his hand.
He was still clutching it as he steadied the ladder while Mother went up it to take something from the top of the barn.
The top shelf in the barn was very high. He looked up at his mother standing on the top rung, rooting through the contents of the top shelf with her hands, and something snapped.
Perhaps it was the years of abuse, perhaps it was the remnant of yesterday’s pain and just perhaps…. just perhaps it might have been Spot speaking to him from the grave.
An uncontrollable anger surged up inside him and without a seconds thought he pushed the ladder. For a second Mother seemed to float in midair, then she started falling. She fell with a big thump on to the barn floor and he heard a crack.
He retreated to the wall of the barn. He closed his eyes and scrunched up his body as if trying to melt in to the wall. He stayed that way, waiting for Mother to come and beat him.
After sometime he got up and slowly walked towards where Mother was lying. Her neck was twisted at a crazy angle. She was dead.
He lay there besides his mother and hugged her and started crying. And he lay there like that crying for a long time, a very long time..
He then got up and he ran. He ran.. he ran away far from home. And somewhere along the way he threw away Spot’s collar.
************************
It was Mother!
She was back!
“Mom! Mom! Please don’t hurt me.... please!!” he whimpered.
“Wotcha talking about? You better cough up the money rite now asshole.” The beard man brought his leg up and smashed it into his stomach.
The man grunted in pain and doubled over. Frantic thoughts were rushing through his mind.
“How…how? No….no… she can’t hurt me. Not after so long. NO!!! NOT AFTER I’D KILLED HER!!”
“How…how? No….no… she can’t hurt me. Not after so long. NO!!! NOT AFTER I’D KILLED HER!!”
“YOU ARE DEAD!!” he screamed as he pushed the beard man away.
His groping hands found the knife on the kitchen counter and rushed forward with it intent on killing her again, to make the pain stop.
“Oh shit!!! Guys help!!! He’s….”
The beard man tried to dodge but it was too late, the knife had already plunged deep into his stomach.
Two hands pushed him away from the beard man. He let go of the knife which was resting inside the beard man and staggered back. Everything was confusing. It was disorienting. But he was elated nonetheless. He had made the pain go away.
Men were shouting.
“Shit! The guy stabbed him! Someone call an ambulance!!"
But none of those made sense him. All coherent thought had long since departed. His mind was no longer sane. He started laughing… laughing….
“You little fuck! You stabbed Ricky and you’re laughing!”
He was suddenly getting punched and kicked by a very big guy. But he couldn’t stop laughing. He couldn’t.
The guy threw him and his head hit the kitchen counter.
The laughter stopped.
“Oh shit! I think his skull got cracked! He’s bleeding from his head.” The big guy cried.
“Do you think he’s dead?” asked another guy.
“Don’t know and I don’t wanna wait here to find out.” The big guy replied.
“The others have taken Ricky to a hospital. Let’s get there as well”
The 2 guys rushed out.
As the quiet reigned once more in that small apartment, the rainbow colored rat came out from hiding and climbed on to the body of the man.
It sniffed around for a bit and then scurried away.
